Wednesday, June 29, 2005
We are now officially a satellite radio family with both me and the misters owning shiny new XM radio’s for our vehicles. I am still getting used to my new toy but I have to admit that I am enjoying it a lot more than I had originally anticipated.
XMU is XM’s station that is supposed to be equivalent to college radio. In my opinion it is exceptionally better, so much so that I have actually stuck a pad of paper and a pen in my car so that I can jot down the names of the new artists that I hear.
My newest obsession is a band by the name of Loveless. They are so fucking fabulous. I hope you enjoy.
Here are a few of my other favorite stations
Fred - Until now, the Alternative sounds of the 70s and 80s didn't have a home on the radio. Fred brings you Depeche Mode, Bowie, The Clash, The Cure, The Smiths, liberally seasoned with Seattle Grunge and Punk.
Boneyard - Now you're in for it: killer Hard Rock and more insanity than you thought a radio channel could be. Get busy and get boned - with bands like AC/DC, Ozzy, Metallica, Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, Van Halen, Ratt and Guns n' Roses.
The Rhyme - It's the official throwback! Classic Hip Hop uncensored. Spinning right now . . . Run D.M.C, Ice Cube, A Tribe Called Quest, Biggie, LL, Tupac, N.W.A and more.
Real Jazz - You know the real thing when you hear it: Louis. Ella. Duke. Dizzy. Monk. Bird. From the amazing Jazz pioneers of the '20s to the young lions making history today.
Frank’s Place - A rich celebration of the Great American Songbook with a little help from the Sinatra Family. It's The Chairman from A to Z -- along with his friends Tony Bennett, Ella Fitzgerald, Mel Torme, Nat King Cole, Count Basie, Johnny Mathis, Louis Armstrong, Rosemary Clooney and many more.
Hank’s Place - It's traditional Country from the 50s and 60s, as you might have heard it in a Texas roadhouse. The legendary Hank Williams, Sr. leads off a lineup of originals like George Jones, Loretta Lynn, Marty Robbins and Lefty Frizzell.
Bluesville - Bluesville: It ain't a format: it's a place. Drop in to celebrate music's universal language of life. B.B. King, Muddy Waters, Etta James, Buddy Guy and more. With live performances by today's best Blues artists.
The 40’s - Climb aboard the Savoy Express for a trip to yesterday and the sounds of swing. Revel in the heyday of the big bands and the hits of the 40s. All aboard, Track Number Four!
The 80’s - The 80s were a decade-long hit machine. Turn it back on, and don't stop the music: an incredible playlist including Culture Club, Hall and Oates, Van Halen, Billy Idol and REO Speedwagon.
Fungus - Fungus 53, the nasty little hole in the XM lineup where old and new punk rock settles to the bottom. You'll also get ska, industrial, surf and other misbegotten DIY styles that the powers that be have railed against through the ages.
Listen to XM online for free for three days
XMU is XM’s station that is supposed to be equivalent to college radio. In my opinion it is exceptionally better, so much so that I have actually stuck a pad of paper and a pen in my car so that I can jot down the names of the new artists that I hear.
My newest obsession is a band by the name of Loveless. They are so fucking fabulous. I hope you enjoy.
Here are a few of my other favorite stations
Fred - Until now, the Alternative sounds of the 70s and 80s didn't have a home on the radio. Fred brings you Depeche Mode, Bowie, The Clash, The Cure, The Smiths, liberally seasoned with Seattle Grunge and Punk.
Boneyard - Now you're in for it: killer Hard Rock and more insanity than you thought a radio channel could be. Get busy and get boned - with bands like AC/DC, Ozzy, Metallica, Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, Van Halen, Ratt and Guns n' Roses.
The Rhyme - It's the official throwback! Classic Hip Hop uncensored. Spinning right now . . . Run D.M.C, Ice Cube, A Tribe Called Quest, Biggie, LL, Tupac, N.W.A and more.
Real Jazz - You know the real thing when you hear it: Louis. Ella. Duke. Dizzy. Monk. Bird. From the amazing Jazz pioneers of the '20s to the young lions making history today.
Frank’s Place - A rich celebration of the Great American Songbook with a little help from the Sinatra Family. It's The Chairman from A to Z -- along with his friends Tony Bennett, Ella Fitzgerald, Mel Torme, Nat King Cole, Count Basie, Johnny Mathis, Louis Armstrong, Rosemary Clooney and many more.
Hank’s Place - It's traditional Country from the 50s and 60s, as you might have heard it in a Texas roadhouse. The legendary Hank Williams, Sr. leads off a lineup of originals like George Jones, Loretta Lynn, Marty Robbins and Lefty Frizzell.
Bluesville - Bluesville: It ain't a format: it's a place. Drop in to celebrate music's universal language of life. B.B. King, Muddy Waters, Etta James, Buddy Guy and more. With live performances by today's best Blues artists.
The 40’s - Climb aboard the Savoy Express for a trip to yesterday and the sounds of swing. Revel in the heyday of the big bands and the hits of the 40s. All aboard, Track Number Four!
The 80’s - The 80s were a decade-long hit machine. Turn it back on, and don't stop the music: an incredible playlist including Culture Club, Hall and Oates, Van Halen, Billy Idol and REO Speedwagon.
Fungus - Fungus 53, the nasty little hole in the XM lineup where old and new punk rock settles to the bottom. You'll also get ska, industrial, surf and other misbegotten DIY styles that the powers that be have railed against through the ages.
Listen to XM online for free for three days
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
~ When I was younger I led myself to believe that I was sexually progressive - that my indiscretions (and believe me there were many) were a product of my need to get off. As I grew older and infinitely more married I quickly learned that it was all a ruse to hide the fact that I was tremendously insecure and on a perpetual search for love by way of the cock. It’s rather sobering to realize that you were having boat loads of sex for all the wrong reasons but what’s a girl to do but laugh at my old self and thank the lord that I came out of my late teens/early twenties with nothing more than a child, a husband and a house. I would venture to guess that a sexually deviant woman between the ages of seventeen and twenty-five is nothing more than an urban myth anyway.
Which when you think about it is really a fucking shame.
(I have GOT to stop watching The Real World because these stupid little girls with nothing to offer but drunk pussy and sad excuses make me think WAY too hard)
~ I really need to take some time for myself. When people are alone they are so hell bent on not being lonely that they totally take for granted not having responsibilities for anyone other than oneself.
Which when you think about it is really a fucking shame.
(I have GOT to stop watching The Real World because these stupid little girls with nothing to offer but drunk pussy and sad excuses make me think WAY too hard)
~ I really need to take some time for myself. When people are alone they are so hell bent on not being lonely that they totally take for granted not having responsibilities for anyone other than oneself.
Monday, June 20, 2005
~ My father is doing extremely well, so much so he may even get to come home today or tomorrow. He is tired and obviously is still experiencing pain but he is making outstanding progress each day. I am beginning to realize though that we will not decisively know if he will suffer from any side effects of the surgery until he is functioning close to full capacity. To his benefit he is one stubborn man and I can only hope that should I ever have to deal with something such as this that I will have his resolve. They were able to remove over 90% of the tumor and it appears to be lymphoma but they would not give us any conclusive answers so now we are waiting to hear what the pathologist says.
The easy part is over and I am fucking exhausted.
~ I have quit smoking - ten days ago to be exact - and I have to say that this experience has been the best smoking cessation tool that I have EVER used. Speaking of which, I have decided that one of my favorite things EVER is walking out of the hospital to find patients loitering outside while clothed in the finest hospital regalia, with an I.V. stand in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
~ An easy yet interesting read - Under and Alone: The True Story of the Undercover Agent Who Infiltrated America's Most Violent Outlaw Motorcycle Gang by William Queen.
The easy part is over and I am fucking exhausted.
~ I have quit smoking - ten days ago to be exact - and I have to say that this experience has been the best smoking cessation tool that I have EVER used. Speaking of which, I have decided that one of my favorite things EVER is walking out of the hospital to find patients loitering outside while clothed in the finest hospital regalia, with an I.V. stand in one hand and a cigarette in the other.
~ An easy yet interesting read - Under and Alone: The True Story of the Undercover Agent Who Infiltrated America's Most Violent Outlaw Motorcycle Gang by William Queen.
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
They found a mass two centimeters in size in the middle of the cerebellum. Although small in comparison, it is in a particularly vulnerable part of the brain since that is where the brain stem is located. They are performing surgery tomorrow to remove the mass however if any of it is attached to the brain stem they will have to leave it and treat it with chemo or radiation. They have indicated that the lesion appears to be malignant but they are reserving judgement until the biopsy returns.
When people ask me how I am doing the response that immediately comes to mind is, I am awake.
When I think about everything that has transpired since Thursday it all seems very surreal to me. It’s a kaleidoscope of feelings really – I just don’t know. I remember goggling my father’s symptoms back in April and the majority of the results were referencing tumors and heat stroke. Dismissing heat stroke for obvious reasons, the morbid, pessimistic side of me naturally gravitated to the most horrific diagnosis possible until the more prevalent, nothing bad will ever happen to my parents, side of me rejected that notion. I remember telling Johnny K that his symptoms could indicate a tumor and him telling me in his, for God’s sake that’s ridiculous voice that, "your dad does NOT have a tumor" so I found another, not so fatal, analysis to glom onto.
Oh God PLEASE don’t let this be cancer. Please let my daddy be better than okay. Please give my mom and dad the super hero strength that they are going to need to get through all of this. Allow ME to carry the burden of their pain and their fear so they can focus on healing. Please God.
We will get through this. We are a strong family. I honestly have faith but really, there just isn't any other option.
When people ask me how I am doing the response that immediately comes to mind is, I am awake.
When I think about everything that has transpired since Thursday it all seems very surreal to me. It’s a kaleidoscope of feelings really – I just don’t know. I remember goggling my father’s symptoms back in April and the majority of the results were referencing tumors and heat stroke. Dismissing heat stroke for obvious reasons, the morbid, pessimistic side of me naturally gravitated to the most horrific diagnosis possible until the more prevalent, nothing bad will ever happen to my parents, side of me rejected that notion. I remember telling Johnny K that his symptoms could indicate a tumor and him telling me in his, for God’s sake that’s ridiculous voice that, "your dad does NOT have a tumor" so I found another, not so fatal, analysis to glom onto.
Oh God PLEASE don’t let this be cancer. Please let my daddy be better than okay. Please give my mom and dad the super hero strength that they are going to need to get through all of this. Allow ME to carry the burden of their pain and their fear so they can focus on healing. Please God.
We will get through this. We are a strong family. I honestly have faith but really, there just isn't any other option.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
The week before we left for Disney my dad got sick. They thought it was the stomach flu but he just never fully recovered. For the past few months he has been dealing with boughts of dizziness, vomiting and headaches and he has lost a considerable amount of weight. In one month alone he had lost 25 lbs. just to give you an idea. His doctor kept changing the dosage of his cholesterol medicine that is, when he would see him at all and it got to the point where I almost called his psysician to find out what the fuck he thought he was doing. Finally his doctor (and believe me I am using that term lightly) told him to see a neurologist. Well, today he had is MRI and there was an abnormality and they told him to check into the hospital immediately for more tests.
My mom and dad were never supposed to get sick. They are supposed to live happily and forever so I dont understand any of this. But now my dad, a man who used to go into work at 6 a.m. so he could leave early to play the back nine, hasnt done anything but work and sleep for the past few months. He is my daddy, the strongest most bravest man I have ever known and I dont know what to do. I feel so incredibly helpless and scared and not prepared for any of this. It's hard to stay in a positive frame of mind. A year or so ago a close friend of mine was diagnosed with brain cancer. They removed the mass but only gave her a year to live. She made a remarkable recovery but what I mean by remarkable recovery is, she didnt die. She lives with her daughter now becase she needs constant care. She will never have the quality of life she had before her surgery and of course my thoughts keep coming back to this.
Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. Everything HAS GOT TO BE okay.
My mom and dad were never supposed to get sick. They are supposed to live happily and forever so I dont understand any of this. But now my dad, a man who used to go into work at 6 a.m. so he could leave early to play the back nine, hasnt done anything but work and sleep for the past few months. He is my daddy, the strongest most bravest man I have ever known and I dont know what to do. I feel so incredibly helpless and scared and not prepared for any of this. It's hard to stay in a positive frame of mind. A year or so ago a close friend of mine was diagnosed with brain cancer. They removed the mass but only gave her a year to live. She made a remarkable recovery but what I mean by remarkable recovery is, she didnt die. She lives with her daughter now becase she needs constant care. She will never have the quality of life she had before her surgery and of course my thoughts keep coming back to this.
Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. Everything HAS GOT TO BE okay.
