Thursday, July 29, 2004
If we are supposed to be compassionate, forgiving people, why in God's name am I still suffering the consequences of original sin?
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
We have decided to spend our ten-year wedding anniversary in Santorini, Greece. We will more than likely stay in the village of Imerovigli. Imerovigli sits at the highest spot of the rim of the caldera, 300 meters high. I found a hotel with suites boasting a private veranda and Jacuzzi overlooking the Aegean. It didn’t occur to me until yesterday that I have severe acrophobia. I wonder how I will fare standing on the edge of a caldera with nothing to protect me from falling? I must stop thinking about it. It’s making me uneasy. I have never traveled internationally and I am quite anxious to do so.
I am a bit apprehensive seeing as though Greece is mighty close to the Middle East however during initial research, I have found no real threat to Americans travelling to that region of the world. It will be interesting to see what the 2004 Olympics in Athens brings about. I am obsessed and could search for travel information all day. I know I will be unbearable to live with during the next year as we plan. Unfortunately I doubt I will be able to give the girls a little boost prior to us going but that’s okay. Even though I have the boobs of a woman, it’s the buoyancy of an eighteen-year old girl that I desire. One conquest at a time I s’pose but I don’t think a nice rack is too much to ask for.
Anyway, my son is in love. I’m going out for cheesy dip and margaritta’s tonight. My dog masturbates and I’m going to Greece.
I am a bit apprehensive seeing as though Greece is mighty close to the Middle East however during initial research, I have found no real threat to Americans travelling to that region of the world. It will be interesting to see what the 2004 Olympics in Athens brings about. I am obsessed and could search for travel information all day. I know I will be unbearable to live with during the next year as we plan. Unfortunately I doubt I will be able to give the girls a little boost prior to us going but that’s okay. Even though I have the boobs of a woman, it’s the buoyancy of an eighteen-year old girl that I desire. One conquest at a time I s’pose but I don’t think a nice rack is too much to ask for.
Anyway, my son is in love. I’m going out for cheesy dip and margaritta’s tonight. My dog masturbates and I’m going to Greece.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Thursday, July 15, 2004
It’s astounding how quickly your perception of someone can change.
The lies we tell ourselves, the justification, the denial. It’s frustrating when you get caught in the undertow of someone else’s bullshit and they are so hell bent on refuting reality that they hardly notice that you are drowning at their feet. Self-preservation is one nasty bitch and I am tired of playing a game that you swear we’re not playing.
That being said, I am finished. I am through being a pawn in what is obviously a sadistic right of passage - a right of passage that I have already survived thank you very much. I refuse to deal with the repercussions of someone else’s issues, no matter who the fuck it is and I am this close to dolling out a bitch slap back into, wake the fuck up land. Sifting through the carnage of your own life fucking sucks, but when you start finding remains that are obviously not yours, don’t be surprised when you realize that you are the only one who survived.
Monday, July 12, 2004
I knew he was dangerous and that his attempt to help was nothing more than a guise. He was going to harm me but I didn’t care. I was utterly mesmerized by him and would have given him anything even though I had only known him for about thirty seconds. He led me down the dark halls of the school where I attended Jr. High. I was hypnotized, my eyes affixed to him. It was as though I was watching him from someone else’s perspective, similar to watching a movie scene shot from a first person point of view. He was beautiful and kind and I knew that we had fallen in love during the first moments of our encounter. It was all very confusing, the desire and the fear, but I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone. Occasionally he would whisper something to me with a deviant smile slapped across his face but the craving was deafening and I heard nothing he said to me. A small part of me wanted to run but couldn’t pull away and I allowed him to lead me into the bowels of the school. I could feel him eating my soul and I agonized for him. I wanted to fuck him longer and harder and nastier than I had ever fucked anyone before. For his cock to rip out my insides in the most violent way possible. When we stopped he reached for me, putting his hands on each side of my face. He drew me near and slipped his strong hands around my neck and started to squeeze. I grabbed his wrist in a vain attempt to loosen his grip but in my heart of hearts, I knew it was time. I wanted to beg him to violate me, to fuck the death out of me, to make me bleed with pleasure. I didnt care about dying, just dying without him inside of me. The last thing I remember was the determined look on his face.
And then I woke up.
And then I woke up.
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Boys are dumb and girls are jealous.
I’ve got the cute hotness workin for me today thanks largely in part to the fabulous gift my Johnny K bought me over the weekend – a knee length, black, gray and pink plaid skirt. The bobby socks create a charming and vintage appearance while the Mary Jane’s add a bit of naughty and alluring to the look. I think the overall crowd pleaser however is the pink baby-doll tee that flaunts the girls in a big boobie parade. Luckily not many people will ever see me nude so I don’t feel so guilty falsely advertising my goods, to which I ask myself, ARE a girls knockers gravitationally challenged if you never see her naked?
And perhaps my good friend Charges can fill me in on an industry secret. What in the hell is arousing about a guy giving head to the heel of a stiletto? I know that I am JUST common folk but for the life of me, I don’t get it.
I’ve got the cute hotness workin for me today thanks largely in part to the fabulous gift my Johnny K bought me over the weekend – a knee length, black, gray and pink plaid skirt. The bobby socks create a charming and vintage appearance while the Mary Jane’s add a bit of naughty and alluring to the look. I think the overall crowd pleaser however is the pink baby-doll tee that flaunts the girls in a big boobie parade. Luckily not many people will ever see me nude so I don’t feel so guilty falsely advertising my goods, to which I ask myself, ARE a girls knockers gravitationally challenged if you never see her naked?
And perhaps my good friend Charges can fill me in on an industry secret. What in the hell is arousing about a guy giving head to the heel of a stiletto? I know that I am JUST common folk but for the life of me, I don’t get it.
Wednesday, July 07, 2004
On the recommendation of my brother’s girlfriend, my next dvd rental will be Party Monster, the shockumentary about the notorious Michael Alig. Alig was THE late 80’s club kid/party promoter turned murderer when he and a friend bludgeoned his drug dealer in the head with a hammer subsequently hacking up the body after it had spent a week decomposing in his bathtub. WHERE IN THE HELL HAVE I BEEN?
I apparently lived under a rock when I was a teenager. I can't even imagine growing up today with the world at my fingertips and more resources than any one person could possibly ever use to generate any persona imaginable. With information so readily accessible, it astounds me that so many kids have absolutely NO desire to stray from the norm. Obviously society STILL dictates what is “normal” and most kids still desire to assimilate to that ideal, which I can only attribute to our innate instinct to survive. There is strength in numbers but apparently the mainstream still harnesses ALL the power.
When I was a teenager I begged to be different. I wanted so badly to be part of something tragic but I was lazy and my hair was big. Even though I was pretty involved in the skater scene when I was a sophomore, much to my chagrin I was pretty nondescript the rest of my high school career. I had no idea how to go about expressing my inner freak and stood on the outskirts of different just enough to make it annoying. Looking back I admire those who had the tenacity and were committal enough to venture into the arena of the strange and untouchable. It was difficult back then and it took a hell of a lot of effort to achieve.
I apparently lived under a rock when I was a teenager. I can't even imagine growing up today with the world at my fingertips and more resources than any one person could possibly ever use to generate any persona imaginable. With information so readily accessible, it astounds me that so many kids have absolutely NO desire to stray from the norm. Obviously society STILL dictates what is “normal” and most kids still desire to assimilate to that ideal, which I can only attribute to our innate instinct to survive. There is strength in numbers but apparently the mainstream still harnesses ALL the power.
When I was a teenager I begged to be different. I wanted so badly to be part of something tragic but I was lazy and my hair was big. Even though I was pretty involved in the skater scene when I was a sophomore, much to my chagrin I was pretty nondescript the rest of my high school career. I had no idea how to go about expressing my inner freak and stood on the outskirts of different just enough to make it annoying. Looking back I admire those who had the tenacity and were committal enough to venture into the arena of the strange and untouchable. It was difficult back then and it took a hell of a lot of effort to achieve.
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
~ Johnny K is back at work after a very tumultuous weekend. Apparently the psychotic boss relinquished the code he had taken hostage but they are finding traps that he had built into it at some point during his employment. The company has also decided NOT to press charges which does not bode well with me. I understand their reasoning however it is an instant solution rather than a long term one as this man needs serious help in the form of meds and a straightjacket. Who is he going to blame four months down the road when he has yet to find employment, his wife has left him, his house is in foreclosure, and he has filed bankruptcy? I can tell you right now it will NOT be himself for as insecure this man is, he certainly has a God complex larger than the big man himself. I just don’t know how long I will be able to stomach Johnny K working there. It is only day one back in the office and I already have a lump in the pit of my belly whenever his messenger shows “idle”. At one point I felt sorry for the sick bastard boss because he is obviously mental but now, I just want him locked up or dead. It’s horrible and it’s selfish to have these feelings but it is no where NEAR as horrible or selfish as to what he has done. Of course they are throwing a promotion and a raise at Johnny K just to add a little excitement to the mix because hey, why make things easy? At least there are other things that are vastly more enticing than money and power and I know Johnny K will not be blinded by all that the devil has to offer.
~ I am really angry with myself for not dedicating more time to get my site to a functional stage. I have to rely on Johnny K for all the coding and I can hardly blame him for not wanting to sit down at the computer to work when he gets home. I suppose it would be one thing if I had absolutely NO expectations as to how I want divineimagery.com to look, feel and work but that is simply not the case as I am picky and meticulous and want to convey a very specific sentiment to those visiting my site. I am, however, tired of complaining about my inefficiencies and I suspect that this will be the last you hear of it.
~ I am due for one of those god forsaken hyperventilating sobs that leaves you exhausted and with eyelids so puffy you look as though you o.d.’d on botox.
~ At times I wish I could write with utter anonymity. There are secrets I would tell. Stories I would share. Thoughts I would impart. But seeing as though I am not aware of one stranger who reads this journal, there will always be a level of ambiguity that I must sustain.
~ I am really angry with myself for not dedicating more time to get my site to a functional stage. I have to rely on Johnny K for all the coding and I can hardly blame him for not wanting to sit down at the computer to work when he gets home. I suppose it would be one thing if I had absolutely NO expectations as to how I want divineimagery.com to look, feel and work but that is simply not the case as I am picky and meticulous and want to convey a very specific sentiment to those visiting my site. I am, however, tired of complaining about my inefficiencies and I suspect that this will be the last you hear of it.
~ I am due for one of those god forsaken hyperventilating sobs that leaves you exhausted and with eyelids so puffy you look as though you o.d.’d on botox.
~ At times I wish I could write with utter anonymity. There are secrets I would tell. Stories I would share. Thoughts I would impart. But seeing as though I am not aware of one stranger who reads this journal, there will always be a level of ambiguity that I must sustain.
