Monday, March 29, 2004
Saturday night while out at our faux bachelorette party, I apparently had my swerve on and the mens were fawning all over me like a naked porn star. The “bride” was getting a wee bit testy that the fella’s appeared to be more interested in moi, which led to me feeling guilty most of the evening. It was mildly uncomfortable but what are you going to do? I was the one who was the most aggressive when it came to procuring men for our bride and lets face it, men like to consider themselves the most handsome, most sought after, most fuckable male in the joint and when you appeal to their innate sense of divide and conquer, you typically win them over hands down. Plus I’m hot and my boobs looked fantastic.
There are certain advantages to working your junk, like getting access to the super secret bat bathroom with no wait. I seem to have the talent to make men fall for me which makes me wonder if I should have been a stripper or an escort. I chose another path however and only use my abilities on special occasions and Christmas. Is it wrong to lead a man on for personal gain? Does that make me a whore of some sort? I like to think of myself as an entrepreneur and not a complete opportunistic bitch. Some of the other women at the restaurant were shooting daggers at us with their evil eye because of the large amounts of attention we were getting. It made me laugh because in reality the whole night was a charade and there was no wedding to be had. We were just more clever than they were.
I am not ashamed to admit that there have been times in my life when my looks have afforded me things that an otherwise unattractive person might not receive, be it intentional or not. I NEVER play that card at work and quite honestly find it to be more of a detriment than anything else. I guess there are pro’s and con’s to being a young attractive female with a sizeable chest. Only when you learn to accept both and learn how to play the game will you be alright.
I’m vain and pretentious, both attractive traits I know.
In other news.
They found a dead body about fifty feet from Johnny K’s office. He is catching up to the stats that my office has. As long as he doesn’t have a shoot out, a break in, a smash and grab, used condoms and tampons in the parking lot, I still reign supreme.
Five and a half more days until vacation.
There are certain advantages to working your junk, like getting access to the super secret bat bathroom with no wait. I seem to have the talent to make men fall for me which makes me wonder if I should have been a stripper or an escort. I chose another path however and only use my abilities on special occasions and Christmas. Is it wrong to lead a man on for personal gain? Does that make me a whore of some sort? I like to think of myself as an entrepreneur and not a complete opportunistic bitch. Some of the other women at the restaurant were shooting daggers at us with their evil eye because of the large amounts of attention we were getting. It made me laugh because in reality the whole night was a charade and there was no wedding to be had. We were just more clever than they were.
I am not ashamed to admit that there have been times in my life when my looks have afforded me things that an otherwise unattractive person might not receive, be it intentional or not. I NEVER play that card at work and quite honestly find it to be more of a detriment than anything else. I guess there are pro’s and con’s to being a young attractive female with a sizeable chest. Only when you learn to accept both and learn how to play the game will you be alright.
I’m vain and pretentious, both attractive traits I know.
In other news.
They found a dead body about fifty feet from Johnny K’s office. He is catching up to the stats that my office has. As long as he doesn’t have a shoot out, a break in, a smash and grab, used condoms and tampons in the parking lot, I still reign supreme.
Five and a half more days until vacation.
Friday, March 26, 2004
hiss tisk rawr!
My pupils are dilated. The fangs are aglow. My claws have materialized, again.
In all, I'm in a pretty fucky mood.
Goddamn I hate shopping.
My pupils are dilated. The fangs are aglow. My claws have materialized, again.
In all, I'm in a pretty fucky mood.
Goddamn I hate shopping.
Thursday, March 25, 2004
STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY PUSSY FOR CHRIST SAKE!!!
(not you Johnny K, the fucking government)
I URGE you to PLEASE contact Mr. Sonny Perdue and let him know how you feel about this outlandish, unconstitutional bill.
Georgia House Bans Genital Piercings
Wed Mar 24, 6:21 PM ET
ATLANTA - Genital piercings for women were banned by the Georgia House Wednesday as lawmakers considered a bill outlining punishments for female genital mutilation.
The bill would make such mutilation punishable by two to 20 years in prison. It makes no exception for people who give consent to have the procedure performed on their daughters out of religious or cultural custom.
An amendment adopted without objection added "piercing" to the list of things that may not be done to female genitals. Even adult women would not be allowed to get the procedure. The bill eventually passed 160-0, with no debate.
Amendment sponsor Rep. Bill Heath, R-Bremen, was slack-jawed when told after the vote that some adults seek the piercings.
"What? I've never seen such a thing," Heath said. "I, uh, I wouldn't approve of anyone doing it. I don't think that's an appropriate thing to be doing."
The ban applies only to women, not men. The bill has already been approved by the Senate but now must return to that chamber because of the piercing amendment. Both chambers of the Legislature must agree on a single version of a bill before it can go to the governor for final approval.
(not you Johnny K, the fucking government)
I URGE you to PLEASE contact Mr. Sonny Perdue and let him know how you feel about this outlandish, unconstitutional bill.
Georgia House Bans Genital Piercings
Wed Mar 24, 6:21 PM ET
ATLANTA - Genital piercings for women were banned by the Georgia House Wednesday as lawmakers considered a bill outlining punishments for female genital mutilation.
The bill would make such mutilation punishable by two to 20 years in prison. It makes no exception for people who give consent to have the procedure performed on their daughters out of religious or cultural custom.
An amendment adopted without objection added "piercing" to the list of things that may not be done to female genitals. Even adult women would not be allowed to get the procedure. The bill eventually passed 160-0, with no debate.
Amendment sponsor Rep. Bill Heath, R-Bremen, was slack-jawed when told after the vote that some adults seek the piercings.
"What? I've never seen such a thing," Heath said. "I, uh, I wouldn't approve of anyone doing it. I don't think that's an appropriate thing to be doing."
The ban applies only to women, not men. The bill has already been approved by the Senate but now must return to that chamber because of the piercing amendment. Both chambers of the Legislature must agree on a single version of a bill before it can go to the governor for final approval.
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
I cannot speak for the validity of this website but it seems on the up and up.
Don’t let the government make decisions for you. Please take a moment to sign the petition and help get free speech back onto OUR airwaves. Don’t let religious conservatives take away one of our basic liberties. This has been a bipartisan effort to control the media so don’t go placing blame. Do some research and see how your Representative and Senators voted.
Do you people realize that three people from the ministry, three people from the television and broadcast industry and three teachers are the people who are representing ALL OF AMERICA and will dictate what is and is not decent. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN!!!
Don’t let the government make decisions for you. Please take a moment to sign the petition and help get free speech back onto OUR airwaves. Don’t let religious conservatives take away one of our basic liberties. This has been a bipartisan effort to control the media so don’t go placing blame. Do some research and see how your Representative and Senators voted.
Do you people realize that three people from the ministry, three people from the television and broadcast industry and three teachers are the people who are representing ALL OF AMERICA and will dictate what is and is not decent. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN!!!
There has been many issues weighing on my mind for a while now but I, for the foreseeable future, need to dedicate every ounce of brainpower to my “career”. It sucks but I must support my habit.
~ My brother left on Saturday. I really liked his mail order bride and hopefully he will get his life in order and become a contributing member of society. He has such a gentle heart and is the best uncle a boy of eight could dream to have. Ralphie cried after my brother drove off into the sunset and had a few moments of sadness throughout the weekend. It was such a conflict of emotions. I was so happy and proud of him for finally taking the proper steps to getting his life together yet my own grief, partnered with my son’s and my mother’s, made it difficult to fully embrace the idea.
~ Even though I am far to busy to get into some political diatribe right now, the situation in Pakistan has me seriously concerned. The U.S. claims to not have had prior knowledge of the assassination however I have to wonder if this is nothing more than an excuse for the U.S. to “occupy” Pakistan. The Hamas has publicly stated that the U.S. WILL be the target of terrorist attacks for not stopping the assassination and Sharon has publicly stated that other leaders of the Hamas, including Arafat could possibly be targets. A shit storm is on the horizon my friends. I guaranfuckingtee it. The writing on the wall is plain as day. We are rapidly destroying ourselves and I often wonder if in my lifetime we will know warfare on our own soil. If I too will have to worry about a suicide bomber attacking while doing nothing more than sitting in a café in the city. Living in war torn, occupied countries is reality for many human beings. Would it be so foreign for that scenario to be an American reality?
~ I have been seriously disgusted with myself as of late. I have become a victim of monotony, a creature of habit, a vixen of absolutely NOTHING. I have all this (for lack of a better word) stuff swimming around in my head but no energy to release the fury of fuck all onto the world and it pisses me off.
~ My brother left on Saturday. I really liked his mail order bride and hopefully he will get his life in order and become a contributing member of society. He has such a gentle heart and is the best uncle a boy of eight could dream to have. Ralphie cried after my brother drove off into the sunset and had a few moments of sadness throughout the weekend. It was such a conflict of emotions. I was so happy and proud of him for finally taking the proper steps to getting his life together yet my own grief, partnered with my son’s and my mother’s, made it difficult to fully embrace the idea.
~ Even though I am far to busy to get into some political diatribe right now, the situation in Pakistan has me seriously concerned. The U.S. claims to not have had prior knowledge of the assassination however I have to wonder if this is nothing more than an excuse for the U.S. to “occupy” Pakistan. The Hamas has publicly stated that the U.S. WILL be the target of terrorist attacks for not stopping the assassination and Sharon has publicly stated that other leaders of the Hamas, including Arafat could possibly be targets. A shit storm is on the horizon my friends. I guaranfuckingtee it. The writing on the wall is plain as day. We are rapidly destroying ourselves and I often wonder if in my lifetime we will know warfare on our own soil. If I too will have to worry about a suicide bomber attacking while doing nothing more than sitting in a café in the city. Living in war torn, occupied countries is reality for many human beings. Would it be so foreign for that scenario to be an American reality?
~ I have been seriously disgusted with myself as of late. I have become a victim of monotony, a creature of habit, a vixen of absolutely NOTHING. I have all this (for lack of a better word) stuff swimming around in my head but no energy to release the fury of fuck all onto the world and it pisses me off.
Friday, March 19, 2004
It is a combination of boredom and the lack of discipline to write. But who wants to write about boring shit? I spent the day taking photographs at Johnny k's office for their website and press kit. I hope to God the pictures turn out. A (for real) photographer already took portraits of most of the owners. I am anxious to see how mine compare. It certainly was fun playing dress up today.
Tuesday, March 16, 2004
I often question my ability to be an effective mother and wonder if I will be paying the price of life lesson gone awry six years down the road. It’s not enough to be young and to live on this side of trendy. It matters not that I am a bit more progressive than my counterparts and feel that I am more adept to understand the misguided youth of today. There is not one ounce of significance in any of that if I fail to parent my child successfully and we can both come out on the flip side of high school relatively unscathed. Parenting is a delicate balance. If you ask me of what, all I can say is, “yeah” because it is a balance of all that you are and everything that you never wanted to be. You find yourself turning into that horrendous shrew of a woman that you despised while you were growing up. That person that you swore to the heavens and hells that you would never become. You find yourself crying, alone in a locked bathroom, because you treated your kid like a belligerent dog for basically being a kid. But that’s just me, and unfortunately, mother of the year will have to be awarded to someone else. Perhaps I will secure the title next go around.
Thursday, March 11, 2004
Thanks entirely to Charges, you can now find me sitting fiendishly in my office, tying off and injecting this poison directly into my poor, pathetic veins.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004
It's all about the pimps and the ho's. Which one are you? On days like today I would like to be a bitch slappin pimp with a big velvet hat and red crocodile skin shoes. On days like yesterday I would have fancied to play the part of a ho, or rather a pay by the hour companion that likes to be fucked six ways to Sunday, for money. The idea of being paid for sex has always intrigued me but the notion of controlling the flow is somewhat even more intoxicating. I long for the days of burlesque, hats, bow ties, and bourbon at noon. I believe that I was brought forth in the wrong era. I feel a disconnect with today.
Why am I loonier than bat shit on a stick? My rollercoasteremotions are not melding well with Goldfrapp and Yellow Fin and I want to weep into my Breakfast At Tiffany's wine glass. Drinking in excess while searching for your sanity is not always a good idea but I will let you know if I got fucked up the ass tomorrow.
I miss people I have only met once. I covet things I could never possibly own and I am sad over situations that I have never experienced.
Why am I loonier than bat shit on a stick? My rollercoasteremotions are not melding well with Goldfrapp and Yellow Fin and I want to weep into my Breakfast At Tiffany's wine glass. Drinking in excess while searching for your sanity is not always a good idea but I will let you know if I got fucked up the ass tomorrow.
I miss people I have only met once. I covet things I could never possibly own and I am sad over situations that I have never experienced.
Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Yesterday my mood was such I thought that even the most insignificant incident would send me into a rage. I have yet to grow out of my homicidal tendencies and that frightens me a bit. The propensity for one of these moods to occur is less frequent than in the past, however, they are still of concern to me. Is it normal to sit and yearn for horrific mayhem to befall the stupid humans you are forced to share air with? Is it typical to want to use your vehicle as a deadly weapon to inflict painful, bloody, bodily harm? Do you find immense joy in the idea of mentally and emotionally crippling the moronic people you have the unfortunate fate of knowing? I get through these particular days by telling myself that an unscrupulous person would actually act upon these inclinations and that I am no less of a human for thinking these horrendous things. I find redemption in believing that thirty-seven percent of the population and I share this unpleasant trait and the remaining sixty-three percent propagandize themselves into perfect, upstanding citizens. Whatever it takes right?
Friday, March 05, 2004
I knew from the moment I left the land of pressboard and laminate to take up refuge in the ghettofied streets of blogger that the effort of a few extra clicks was just too much responsibility for most to assume and the priority to visit hysterical blindness would fall somewhere between changing your menstruating dog’s maxi pad and irrigating your anal cavity. I am confident that the (few) people who take an extra fifteen seconds to traverse outside of the comfortable and familiar feel absolutely NO obligation to be here. They must enjoy reading the random shit that comes out of my head otherwise I would have become just another casualty of the world wide web. I miss a few people however. Much more than I care to admit. Perhaps I was ignorant to think that I wasn’t as disposable as I was but leaving was a rude reminder of just how expendable we are if we are not constantly on the radar screen.
Relationships forged in this world that stay in this world are completely counterfeit and we really cannot rely on them for anything other than killing time.
Relationships forged in this world that stay in this world are completely counterfeit and we really cannot rely on them for anything other than killing time.
Thursday, March 04, 2004
Out of the mouth of babes
A: [out of the blue while driving to the dentist yesterday] Hippies are stupid!
Me: [chuckles] Why is that?
A: They just are. [pause] All they do is sit around doing oga*. All they do is stare at their lava lamps. Do you think hippies are stupid?
Me: Well, in general I think a lot of people are stupid.
A: Yeah, hippies are stupid just like you think drivers are stupid. The ones you yell at all the time.
(*Not a typo. He actually said “oga”)
A: [this morning singing to his own tune while Johnny K was brushing his hair] I have a dad who likes to brush my hair and I hate it.
Johnny K: I have to. It is a mess.
A: Dad, I’m a rock n’ roller not a fancy pants!
A: [out of the blue while driving to the dentist yesterday] Hippies are stupid!
Me: [chuckles] Why is that?
A: They just are. [pause] All they do is sit around doing oga*. All they do is stare at their lava lamps. Do you think hippies are stupid?
Me: Well, in general I think a lot of people are stupid.
A: Yeah, hippies are stupid just like you think drivers are stupid. The ones you yell at all the time.
(*Not a typo. He actually said “oga”)
A: [this morning singing to his own tune while Johnny K was brushing his hair] I have a dad who likes to brush my hair and I hate it.
Johnny K: I have to. It is a mess.
A: Dad, I’m a rock n’ roller not a fancy pants!
The act of self-motivation is such a laborious undertaking. It makes me tired to constantly cheerlead myself into a good mood while sitting at my desk, dealing with people I would otherwise like to pinch. I want to go shopping and buy myself lots of frilly girly stuff that makes me feel pretty, but my mood is such that I would inevitably end up in a downward spiral. Also, it is Murphy’s law that maintains I will find something that is to die for when I cant even afford to purchase a used tampon*.
I am feeling a bit frisky today however I don’t like to share myself when God has spoiled my loins and I am dirty and gross.
Why is smoking so damn sexy to me? You can orally fuck the shit out of a man just by smoking your cigarette properly.
The Rapture
Please make sure you write your Congressman, your state Representative, the FCC Commissioners and anyone else who will listen. It is dire that you express your concern regarding the decency legislation that has been passed by a Senate House Committee to be sent to the House floor as early as next week. Our voices need to be heard. Please dont let the government take away our rights as Americans to make informed decisions without their prior consideration.
When my brother was but a wee lad he had a series of seizures that landed him in brain surgery to remove a rare tumor that took up residence on the right side of his head. He ended up with a huge scar, a learning disability and deep seeded self-esteem issues. He is twenty-five. He has never had a stable job. He is an alcoholic and still lives with my parents. Out of guilt and to his detriment, my mother has coddled him and enabled him to do nothing of his life. Both are well aware of this however both know the cycle has to stop. In a few weeks he is leaving on that midnight train to rural Illinois. I am sad and scared for him. He is sad and I am sure scared for himself. My mother is wrought with grief. I don’t know if I am projecting my emotions however, I am fearful that something awful is going to happen. I admire him for knowing that he needed to leave and move to a galaxy far far away in order to learn how to stand on his own two feet. I hope he can finally grow up. I just wish it wasn’t so damn far away.
*Damn you Audrey Hepburn(ish) style dress and mules with toes so pointy I could impale the postman. DAMN YOU!!!! It was a dress and shoes that would look fabulous with a wide brimmed hat and little prim white gloves. A dress and shoes that would be perfect for my trip to LA and New York. I weep with sorrow that I had to leave that perfect dress and those extraordinary shoes at that cold and lonely store.
I am feeling a bit frisky today however I don’t like to share myself when God has spoiled my loins and I am dirty and gross.
Why is smoking so damn sexy to me? You can orally fuck the shit out of a man just by smoking your cigarette properly.
The Rapture
Please make sure you write your Congressman, your state Representative, the FCC Commissioners and anyone else who will listen. It is dire that you express your concern regarding the decency legislation that has been passed by a Senate House Committee to be sent to the House floor as early as next week. Our voices need to be heard. Please dont let the government take away our rights as Americans to make informed decisions without their prior consideration.
When my brother was but a wee lad he had a series of seizures that landed him in brain surgery to remove a rare tumor that took up residence on the right side of his head. He ended up with a huge scar, a learning disability and deep seeded self-esteem issues. He is twenty-five. He has never had a stable job. He is an alcoholic and still lives with my parents. Out of guilt and to his detriment, my mother has coddled him and enabled him to do nothing of his life. Both are well aware of this however both know the cycle has to stop. In a few weeks he is leaving on that midnight train to rural Illinois. I am sad and scared for him. He is sad and I am sure scared for himself. My mother is wrought with grief. I don’t know if I am projecting my emotions however, I am fearful that something awful is going to happen. I admire him for knowing that he needed to leave and move to a galaxy far far away in order to learn how to stand on his own two feet. I hope he can finally grow up. I just wish it wasn’t so damn far away.
*Damn you Audrey Hepburn(ish) style dress and mules with toes so pointy I could impale the postman. DAMN YOU!!!! It was a dress and shoes that would look fabulous with a wide brimmed hat and little prim white gloves. A dress and shoes that would be perfect for my trip to LA and New York. I weep with sorrow that I had to leave that perfect dress and those extraordinary shoes at that cold and lonely store.
Monday, March 01, 2004
A few years ago Johnny K and I thought it would be amusing and interesting to patron a local club that caters to the type of people who like to share when it comes to sex. I will do just about anything once and we thought that a swingers club would be harmless fun. We weren’t looking to “swing” but went more for the experience of it all. The first person we saw was an extremely over weight sixty-five(ish) year old woman in nothing but a corset, fishnets and stiletto heels. What did we expect though? Young, attractive people who aren’t COMPLETELY creepy are one in a million when it comes to the swinging lifestyle. People who partake in that way of living ARE the type of people you see in the Real Sex/Jerry Springer episodes. They ARE the guys that are tall and thin with a beer belly, a mullet and a mustache and the women ARE fat, have big hair, wear caked on makeup and stripperella clothes. It’s frightening and hilarious all in the same breath. UNTIL you run into someone you know.
The ink was still wet on the gazillion release forms we had to sign when I heard, “Douleur?” I turned around in what had to have been slow motion only to see the office manager and account rep for one of the agencies I did business with and her cousin/receptionist. Up to that point (lets call her) Helen had been our account rep since the beginning of time but her cousin (we’ll call her) Amanda, had only been employed there for a short while and I had only dealt with her over the phone. I was stupefied and horrified all at the same time and I am quite certain the, “HOLY SHIT!” look on my face completely gave that away. It was awkward to say the very least but we made it through the night unscathed and a little more seasoned. Although no swinging occurred on our part it was still an experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life, if for nothing more than the humor of it all. As for my account rep. She left the company and we stopped doing business them shortly after that encounter.
Fast forward to today.
I had to sit in front of “Amanda” this morning and process her in as a new employee. Oh the horror!
The ink was still wet on the gazillion release forms we had to sign when I heard, “Douleur?” I turned around in what had to have been slow motion only to see the office manager and account rep for one of the agencies I did business with and her cousin/receptionist. Up to that point (lets call her) Helen had been our account rep since the beginning of time but her cousin (we’ll call her) Amanda, had only been employed there for a short while and I had only dealt with her over the phone. I was stupefied and horrified all at the same time and I am quite certain the, “HOLY SHIT!” look on my face completely gave that away. It was awkward to say the very least but we made it through the night unscathed and a little more seasoned. Although no swinging occurred on our part it was still an experience that will stay with me for the rest of my life, if for nothing more than the humor of it all. As for my account rep. She left the company and we stopped doing business them shortly after that encounter.
Fast forward to today.
I had to sit in front of “Amanda” this morning and process her in as a new employee. Oh the horror!
